The Year We Quit Homeschool

I'm ashamed to say that I used to judge moms who chose different schooling paths for each of their children....until I became one of those moms this last year. I didn't know how tough of a decision it was to separate your children for the benefit of their individual needs, education, and even your own health. Birthing kids over a decade apart has helped me realize some things are going to be harder for our family than others. Raising struggling learners and young children that are neurodivergent has also opened my eyes to the hard truth that each of my kids may need a different path for schooling. Most of all, the Lord revealed to me this last year that I had made homeschooling an idol I worshiped with pride. Here are 7 things I learned after quitting homeschool last year. I pray these encourage and equip you today:

#1 Your kids are more resilient than you realize (and you are, too)

Change is amazing, and change can be hard. After a decade of homeschooling it was quite an adventure to practice being somewhere on time every single morning. Even with our late-start micro school schedule I struggled to not "rush" at times. Rushing always causes anxiety in those around you, so I had to learn to lead with a peaceful pace---which I totally bombed, often. However, we finished strong and we learned to be diligent doing hard things. The kids and I learned how to bounce back emotionally while away from home every day, and how to navigate conflict with other families on a regular basis. Whether you're at home or in public school, we can learn so many important life skills!

#2 You have the right to change your mind

Why is it so easy to pass on grace to other people's schooling choices, but when it comes to ourselves we judge so harshly? I am really good at judging myself, even after all these years of recovery from shame. I felt like a homeschool quitter, but the reality was that we never actually quit homeschooling. We just had lots more help outside of our home. I've watched people change schools every five seconds with their young children, leaving them feeling uprooted and unsure--I am cautious about inflicting that kind of unnecessary change on my children simply because of how I might be feeling regarding school choice. However, we are so blessed to have the freedom to change our minds! I just finally practiced this freedom for the first time even though I've been preaching it for years!

#3 Quitting homeschooling may feel like a part of you is dying

I wasn't prepared to grieve my children the way I did last year. How ridiculous and silly I felt! No one told me that quitting homeschool feels like something is dying inside of you. I shed so many tears and really struggled with releasing this season to the Lord. I had so many emotions going on--homeschooling a first grader, weaning a toddler, starting perimenopause and walking through multiple bouts of vertigo and ongoing dizziness, AND...feeling completely lost as a homeschool mama who wasn't homeschooling all her kiddos. This "grief" period was intense for about six months. I know--that's almost the whole school year! That just goes to show how massive of a change this was for our family.

#4 Your identity isn't in your schooling choice

At the beginning of this blog post I admitted to having made homeschooling an idol that had captured too much of my identity and pride. Needless to say: I've been humbled. Sometimes we don't realize where we've placed our footing until we've fallen and we hit the ground to then realize that our feet were standing on the wrong foundation all along! I've been challenged a lot in my identity this last year, but I know I'm stronger in the Lord because of this challenge.

#5 Togetherness was highlighted as a top family value

God showed us how to make "togetherness" happen despite spending more time away from one another than ever before. It surprised me and delighted me actually! For instance, one night after school, my children begged me to read to them while we all cozied up in blankets. My heart filled with so much joy watching my children doodling, crafting, and engineering with Legos. It felt like a read-aloud morning in our homeschool, and this moment reminded me that we could still have togetherness this year, it was just going to look different. Togetherness is a value that we will not sacrifice, no matter what.

#6 The years of homeschool and discipleship paid off

My kids accomplished some amazing feats and traversed some tough terrain in their schooling and their relationships with other kids and teachers. I got to see them stand up for their faith, stand up for what's true, and at the same time they had some grand opportunities to gain more resilience. Even though our "public" school experience wasn't a traditional school, they were still put in positions of temptation, conflict, and stretched with their integrity, work ethic, and faith. It was good for my heart to even hear my youngest, elementary-aged kiddo come home and defend their faith after hearing something contrary to what he believed. I mean, isn't this the whole point of motherhood? To prepare our children to stand firm in their faith?! I'm so thankful I got to see this lived out in a school setting!

#7 I'm jealous for time with my kids

I'm so spoiled to have so many wonderful people caring for and helping raise my children. While we don't have any family nearby, God has provided neighbors, friends, church community, and youth leaders who graciously pour into my children. However, I learned this last year that I am hungry for more time with my kids. Not so I can control them or because I think I might teach a school subject better than someone else, but because I want to know my children and soak in this precious time with them. I'm jealous for their affection. If our God is jealous for our worship I think it's fitting that He wired us as moms to yearn for time with our children. I only have a few years left with my oldest and I am feeling that clock tick faster and faster. I know I'll have to let go fully one day, but today is not that day.

Where We Landed

Since the school year has ended I've seen so many breakthroughs happen in our home. My kids sought out relationship with one another again (after fighting it out for a week or two of course), they started reading tons and resting in our togetherness. I even felt one child's heart turn back towards our family and the sparkle come back in their eyes with a love for their family once school was out for the summer. I'm so thankful we had an opportunity to participate in a micro school with incredible teachers, friends, and learning experiences. It seems there's always something new to choose from when it comes to schooling. However, I am no longer wavering on what we need to do this next year for school. I know deep down in my bones that we need to be together again to homeschool, as stressful and hard as it may be, because one day I'm no longer going to be here. One day my husband and I will be gone and our children will have each other to lean on, to raise their children together with, and to do life with. I want my kids to have life long relationships that are strong and joyful with their siblings, and I believe that homeschool and togetherness is the key to that dream for our family. The mission of 'raising life-long learners who follow Christ' will never change, but the strategy for HOW we live out the mission might look different over the years, and I'm learning to be at peace with that.