9 Truths Every Mom With an ADHD Kiddo Needs to Hear

I'm so blessed to be a mom. It is one of the greatest calls on my life, besides being a Christ follower. As honored as I feel to have been blessed with four wonderful kids, I have to admit that there are some really hard moments, days, weeks, and even seasons where I've questioned if I'm the woman for the job. One thing is for sure though, I refuse to quit learning and become complacent in my role. I will always seek to grow in my walk with the Lord, and as a mother to my children. Lately, I've been learning a lot about ADHD in particular. Here's nine things I've learned in my journey as a mom regarding ADHD. I hope this enlightens and encourages you, mama.

1. Homeschooling my ADHD kiddo is the best possible option for us

I don't homeschool out of fear. I homeschool because it gives my kiddo a freedom that my kid can find nowhere else. Homeschooling a child that is wired so differently than me has humbled me and brought me to my knees. My weaknesses have been highlighted in ways that homeschooling can only do, and I've had to work through them with the Lord. Thankfully, His strength is shining through me--because there is no possible way I could be doing this without His supernatural patience and strength. Thank you, Lord! Homeschool has led me to a refining fire that is like no other. Keep refining me, Lord!

2. ADHD is a Gift from God

I KNOW in my head and even in my heart that each one of my kiddos is a precious gift from the Lord. However, when you're struggling to swim in the deep end of life, holding up a baby that needs you, teaching multiple grades, running a home, and you have a child that is fighting you on everything and desperately trying to figure out who they are while navigating their ADHD--this does not leave me "feeling" like ADHD is a gift. Feelings aren't always truth though. When I am able to truly let go, step back and observe more closely WHO my child truly is, and how ADHD actually makes them stinking brilliant, it's incredible. They think of things and think in ways I could never dream of. What a gift to look at the world so differently and bring that view to humanity?! My child is wonderfully made by God! What masterpiece of God isn't beautifully complex and mysterious? Thank you, God, for blessing me with such gifted children!

3. Family Mission-Mindedness Brings Freedom to ADHD Kids

I'm so thankful for Dr. Kelly Cagle. In our talk about being a mission-minded family she shares so many nuggets of wisdom. We NEED a filter for our family commitments, time, money, schedules, etc. That filter should be our family mission. My ADHD kiddo does best knowing the plan, expectations, and purpose for why we do things. Having a clear mission and vision as a family not only brings strategy for how we as parents run our family, but it also brings security to an already anxious ADHD mind that needs extra time to process and navigate it all. Having clear vision as a family dictates our best "yes" and helps us say "no" to good things that aren't in line with the vision. God, help us turn our family values you've given us into a centered mission statement so that we can be "all in" where you want us.

4. I Need to Have Realistic Expectations for My ADHD Kiddo

When I was talking with Dr. Kelly, an ADHD parenting expert, I asked her what the most common mistake was that she has to coach parents through. Her answer was, "having realistic expectations." She shared that research shows neurotypical kiddos are often 30% behind their peers. I have to confess that I have often parented or homeschooled with the feeling of "needing to help my kid catch up," instead of letting them be at peace where they're at, and encouraging them to go their own pace. Having realistic expectations has been a game changer for our home. Lord, please help us parent in peace and not pressure! Help us mamas refrain from setting unreachable standards for our kids which results in them feeling--less than, not enough, and like they're always failing. Show us where to extend grace and set healthy expectations. Amen.

5. I Need to Practice Healthy Sleep Habits as an Example for My Kiddo and Me

I know, this seems obvious. It's impossible for certain seasons of motherhood for sure. (Like having a newborn or even weaning a toddler, which is my current season). However, we need to lead our children in healthy sleep habits--especially kiddos with ADHD. I am guilty for not showing up my best to this full-time privileged job of being a mom. The benefits of going to bed at a decent time and not doom scrolling on social media or clicking "play" on another episode of a show that has no value are remarkable. Not only that, it's setting an example for my ADHD child that they can learn from. Regular sleep routines have been one of the issues we've talked about with our occupational therapist. ADHD can really get in the way of circadian rhythms--meaning my kid's brain doesn't know how to turn off for the night or rise in the morning. We have to train our brains to do so through routine. Lord, help me be diligent in living as a positive example in self-discipline when it comes to routines. Help me guide my child in healthy habits by leading strong.

6. Communication of Family Values is Crucial

We KNOW in our souls often our mission and vision for our family. BUT, if we don't communicate that to our kids, then our kids will never truly understand WHY we do what we do.

Things we tell our kids:

We VALUE financial freedom so we drive old cars and budget wisely.

We VALUE being together as a family so we homeschool and participate in hybrid programs that allow for us the gift of togetherness.

We VALUE serving our community so it's why we bless our neighbors the way we do.

We believe in putting others first so we don't put our shoes in front of the door for people to trip on because that's not thinking of others.

We communicate value in our rules and systems. We don't say "we go to church cause that's what we should do," we speak vision and mission in everything. Our family believes that being a part of the body of Christ is what Jesus wants us to do and we have seen so much fruit in our lives come from that! Remember when we had a baby or when ________ crisis happened? Our Christian community was THERE and walked with us through it all, and we do that for others too! Do you see the difference? Without vision we can get stuck in survival instead of purpose-filled strategies! God help me to remember to keep the main thing the main thing. On the days I feel overwhelmed and task-driven please remind me the purpose of everything I do--to bring You glory and to raise my kids to know You.

8. I MUST Practice Radical Grace

The first place we must embrace grace is within our own relationship with God and the expectations we have on ourselves as mamas. We can take our child's struggles with ADHD upon ourselves, and that's not living in the freedom or identity in Christ that God has for us. Our kids often need radical grace as well. Their brains are working hard in a way we may not even understand just to do simple tasks that come easy to us. Having healthy expectations is one thing, but offering unconditional love and grace when our kiddo messes up or spirals out of control is an opportunity to SHOW them we love them cause they're our kid--not because they're behaving properly. Be gracious with yourself, mama, as you learn how your kiddo is wired and what they need for success. Reserve the right to change your mind on how you do things as you learn what works for you and your family and lead with grace. God help me to be more gracious with my own self-critique and to see myself and my kids as your beloved children. I need you, Jesus. Please let your grace flow through me to my family.

9. ADHD: The Constant Critique

Dr. Kelly Cagle reminded me in our interview just how important it is to "keep at the forefront of our minds to give positive attention." I was immediately convicted when I heard those words because I have a kiddo that I'm constantly critiquing! Even though I'm being gentle in what I'm saying most often, the non-stop, "could you please be a little quieter," or, "please be gentler" or "I need you to sit still for a minute," is never ending. I can get stuck in the trap of simply 'dealing' with my kiddo instead of being mindful to offer POSITIVE attention, because the truth is that this child gets more negative attention (from the world and even myself) because of their struggles some days. ADHD kids can feel that pressure of being under a microscope and constantly receiving critique. This then translates to, "I'm too much," or "I'm not enough." Those aren't the messages I want playing on repeat in my child's head. I must commit to giving positive encouragement and attention every moment I can. God please help me to see all the ways my child is excelling and to remember to encourage them every moment I can! Help me to train my tongue to refrain from offering unnecessary critique.

Closing: You’re Not Alone in This

This motherhood thing is incredibly hard. Yes, it's a gift, privilege, honor, and blessing--but it's also just plain hard. If you're raising a neurodivergent kiddo then you've faced challenges many moms out there won't understand, but you're not alone, mama! You CAN become the mom your ADHD kiddo needs and parent and love them in a way that shows them the goodness of God. One of the best things you can do is be part of a community with others traversing the same journey! I'm so grateful to be a part of the MOM IQ COMMUNITY with Dr. Kelly! For less money than Netflix each month I get to be a part of a live coaching call and have access to resources and wisdom from Dr. Kelly at my fingertips! I mean, for real, where else can you talk to a Christian doctor of education that homeschools her kiddos and will take the time to offer encouragement and creative solutions to the problems you're facing with your kiddos?! The MOM IQ COMMUNITY is a DREAM! If you don't have anyone that can relate to the parenting trials you're going through then you should join me in the MOM IQ COMMUNITY! God help the mama that is suffering alone to bravely take a step forward to connect with other mamas that will strengthen her and lift her up!